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out of touch with reality

when you fall in love in a game (where as the main girl character you can develop story love lines with the male characters) so badly that when the character dies in the game you end up not eating and drinking for 3 days in real life, yeah, i think that means you're...I mean I AM out of touch with reality.

I played the first round of persona3 as the male main character. No problems at all.

Then I played the female main chara.

And then Shinji died.


I felt like I fell into an abyss where my stomach was hungry and hurting but I just don't want to eat or drink...I think I spent those 3 days pretty much running around doing administrative things then lying on the bed either crying or just wanting to go to sleep =_=

Though I think this proves that persona3 is a good game.

Then after many attempts I started to continue the game, then at the night before the final battle I realized since the heroine dies in the end anyway I will even have to leave Akihiko.

See, this is why the male route isn't so sad. You don't quite love the characters as much. But when you're in the female route, the sad part isn't that YOU die, it's that you'll have to leave the guys.

So I completely gave up. There is absolutely no way I can bring myself to finish this game, EVER. I just can't bring myself to do it.

S...SHINJI T T SHINJI COME BACK DON'T DIE...ok his life is just a traged =_=

damn, how can my feelings be influenced by a game so much -_- I think it's partially bc I gave up on real life guys or something? O_O

anyway have a bunch of pictures I drew to heal myself.

and for the past 10 minutes since i was pasting the links here my internet suddenly went horribly wrong =v= but it's back up now.

that was weird.

Anyway I've decided to play Project DIVA 2 for now, seeing kaito do Miku's sexy dances in swimming trunks and his scarf is really as much healing as amusing.
many would have noticed, China is shaped like a rooster, and the strategically important port city of Tianjin, and a little after, the heart city of beijing, is located all at the throat of the rooster.

so one would not be surprised to see me rant on the americans and how they have this little habit of bringing their nuke carriers close to china's throat...actually, surprisingly close to my home, since I live on the very east side of Beijing, a few hundred meters (now outside) the beijing border.

before I start analyzing the situation objectively I must rant to get the subjective concerns out of the way. alfred get your dirty nuclear fingers out of yao's throat =_=凸!!!!

now we can get back onto the topic. What was the rant about? well recently the US and China had been on a row about whether in the US/Korea military exercise near the yellow sea (near the port of tianjin) the US will bring its nuclear aircraft carrier.

The issue is now resolved, the carrier will not go into that specific area. however, we must look at the real implications of this event.

1) target. There's a target and a goal for every military exercise, they don't just bring out their ships and have a game of war for nothing. (except the annual pacific exercise which I daresay also have a goal, displaying might and intimidation is always a goal) And it is apparent through the diplomatic language that the purpose of this military exercise is directed towards North Korea.
Just because you claim (and this claim might be 70%+ hearty) that your aim is North Korea, does it make it any more comfortable for China to see you bring about one of your biggest fully-armed nuke carriers into the region it strategically refers to as its throat? You think that just because a man (who's beaten you up before and still has misconception and ill-will towards you )claims he's actually here to scare your neighbor, that it makes it easier on you to see him take a bazooka and circles your yard fence? How do you like a sharp blade dancing around your neck if the one playing with the knives, who had used it on you before and still don't like you, claims that it's for the person sitting next to you?
It's never about the purpose. It doesn't matter if China claims that it's just protecting a school of fish, if China builds a nuclear carrier and sends it to circle Hawaii right outside of its legal sea border, I won't expect the US to sit back and do nothing.

2) resistance.
The koreans are NOT happy.
Of course they're not. they've been licking up to america for decades hoping america will solve theri issue with their stubborn brother, but it's never worked. i refuse to believe they just simply don't understand why china refuses to place the blame on NK in the ship-sinking issue.
Let me reiterate. this is POLITICS,not LAW. the UN is a POLITICAL body. the purpose of politics is NOT to figure out a right or wrong, it's to achieve a certain result.
do they SERIOUSLY think that china will risk worsening relations with NK to blame this incident on NK? by blaming it on NK the UN would have thrown the already delicate balance in the eastern region into turmoil. not only does NK have agreements written in blood with china from the korean war, it is also the last of the countries holding out against the US' influence in Asia. If China loses NK, China will be stranded, what with japan being US' mistress (the US just rejected their plan on how to move the US military base...woot, another victory for the bully), korea being so in love with the american superman image, India seeking america to always balance out china (jealous much?) and the south-east area always anti-china (may I mention racial killings aned riots barely decades ago?).
With the world so brainwashed in their image of china, china's not in a good spot right now, and god knows they can't give up one of their last frontiers, NK.
and I say this with all love and respect for the NK people, they're a very serious and hard-working bunch. I never thought their government was good, but their people is another matter.

3) concidence.
Coincidences makes people nervous. it's a natural response. Just weeks ago three nuclear submarines surfaced at the same time at three locations surrounding China, causing a nervous wave. "Coincidence, just a coincidence", so Alfred claims. But he only claims that their surfacing is a coincidence, it does not change the all-so-real original threat. That this is merely the surface. there are 3+ nuclear submaries circling the seas surrounding China at any given time, that is the original message.
Coincidence, that the pacific military exercise (consisting of 10+ countries and at least 3 nuclear countries) is so close to the US/Korea exercise is so close to the Japan/US exercise is so close to the Russia/Belarus far-east exercise.
If this all doesn't get on one's nerves, I suggest that person go see a doctor.

Overreaction? Never enough. Recently there has been news of Japan expressing that they might possibly apologize for the colonialization in Korea and return some artifacts. When have they ever given a damn about their neighbors in Asia? This sends 1/2 or 2/2 possible messages. 1), China's growing and China's link to NK gets them nervous, so they are trying to make amends to Korea as to have one friendly neighbor on their side to balance China's growing influence. 2), they are becoming increasingly unhappy with their mistress status with the US, and are now starting to tentatively seek friends in Asia. One might say, hey, they might actually have developed something called...*gasp* a guilty conscience!
Nope, not likely. They never regretted the massacres they committed in China as a whole, and thus their selective "conscience" with korea can only point to one out of the above two.
though, also, through Japan's announcement that it will return artifacts looted from Korea, this brings Europe into sharp focus. Now, Europe had been claiming it is at the very tip of civilization, development and human rights.
So, huh, when can us Chinese expect the Europeans to say, 'look we're sorry we will return the artifacts we looted during the opium wars and subsequent alliance-of-8 invasion'?
Not likely eh.
Yep, so much for them being so civilized.
Also, Japan, just because you failed at colonializing China doesn't mean you don't own us an apology, especially to the hundreds of thousands of innocent lives lost (particularly in Nanking) when you went on your crazy little rampage to kill all in sight.

plus, pfft, media freedom? The Italian government is filtering and checking every single video on Youtube. Germany is sueing facebook. Greece blocked google street view, Australia is practicing tougher filtering on the internet contents. And I wonder why China gets all the crap about media filtering.

ok, that's enough for news. my life...is plain O_O just more anime and such, addicted to White Collar, Sengoku Basara (such that I actually went into historical research and read up on the real yukimura in history =v=) and finally, watching "The moon over the Qin Dynasty", A fully made-in-china anime series, I'm starting to feel like China's animation industry still has a future.

my girlfriend's going to taiwan. I've had a bad impression of that place since all the taiwanese girls in my life have been just so bitchy and backstabbing you wouldn't believe it. Most of them decided I was too weird to be human, others just didn't treat me like one. However my girlfriend's honestly one of the nicest candidates for heaven (except she's a buddhist) i've ever met, so all the best wishes to her.

oh, and on the news today, 8 yr-old boy fell from 6 floors and immediately stood up and ran away aftewards, no big damage done. First impression? SHIZUO! IT'S YOUNG SHIZUO!!! lol

It is 9 pm

and I'm planning to go to sleep, so I either regressed to kindergarden (I was up till 12 doing homework in elementary school already so...) or I've just aged to 80 and can't stay up for too long =v=

but anyway for now have a picture

it is the kaito bookmark for the set of bookmarks to be produced and sold at AE. Yes I know nii-san probably isn't originally this muscular but this only came to me after I finished the picture orz

plus i didn't draw his cherries >_<

So, what had been happening...? 我从某种意义上被大学同学告白了,which is a bit...because I like him as a friend, that's it. I was going to go to the london dungeon last weekend but on sunday it got so sunny and hot and I was totally just lazy so I stayed home and watched Saraiya Goyou. Which may I add is totally gay. (which, may I add, is a compliment.)

Also I've started to notice this since 2 weeks ago...there's this cute and straightforward and a little unruly german guy in the office, there's also this really nice really gentle (also v cute)blond british guy. For the past 2 weeks they've been going to coffee together, having 1-on-1 meetings. everyone at the office likes to joke around with the german uke (ok, no one takes this out of LJ, understand? XD)

and trust me the ludwig is always the uke in situations.

British seme A: (comes over to talk about stocks, but for some reason the german uke got really nervous or worried about something so his whole body was tense, arms semi-raised).

I walk by.

British seme A: You notice how he tenses when I put my finger on his shoulders and move it down...(moves hand down on arm)

German uke: (laughing) you're playing a dangerous game there...

On the same day a german seme came over from the german office, when he walked by the uke he couldn't resist hitting him on the head with his documents...

Then, with the originally mentioned seme, now he doesn't even have to ask for coffee, he simply walks over and gestures with his hand and the uke immediately starts fumbling for change from his drawer and soon they're off. just a quickie, 10 min-20 min and they both come back w coffee in their hand and big smiles on their faces.

sometimes life just doens't get more entertaining.

the uke's the typical young and ruthless type, a little stubborn and filled with energy, and the seme's just a down to earth really really nice guy. i really look forward to seeing where this goes ^Q^ lol

Also, I was guessing that the UN wouldn't condemn North Korea even if their commission may find NK guilty, because honestly, this is politics, not law. In politics, people always choose the path with the greatest benefits, it's not always the most correct path, but it does lead to a more stabilized area.

Regarding the geologist who sold "state secrets". What defines a state secret? What a state defines as a secret is a state secret, it's as simple as that but it seems the wider public is at a loss when looking at the incident. he was IN CHINA. China defines the file (which contains exact precise locations of thousands of oil drill wells) as state secret, then it is a state secret. If no one considers it a secret why did he receive such a big sum of money for something that everyone could find out? Companies are not stupid, they don't pay tens of thousands of USD for something they can access, and what they can't access is defined as confidential, which was violated when the geologist sold it and made big bucks off something which isn't even supposed to be available to public, let along foreign public. so STOP making him into this innocent scientific personel.

stupidity could be what that was. Either stupidity or (more likely) something similar to espionage.

From another point, why is america shouting so loudly when their own "war on terrorism" isn't even properly defined and has let them jail countless people simply under the suspicion of something that isn't even truly defineable?

To be honest, the level of hypocrisy nowadays, sigh.

I usually don't like reading the economist because their dog mouth can't spew ivory (an old chinese saying, meaning they can't talk anything good) but they had a very good article last month, saying that the EU, should it want to take a stance for human rights in China, should not be pressuring and enforcing their concept, rather, they should promote for china's law enforcers and society as a whole to follow their own law. I see nothing wrong with this, in fact this is one of the only things about China the Economist had said that I actually support. China is not Japan who bends to America's every wish, it's not Iraq that's so weak it will allow the US to go in and wreak havok. China doe snot bend to presssure but I do think it definitely needs to learn to follow its own laws, if the law enforcers could enforce the country's laws better, the citizens lifes would be much better off.

Though I must honestly say I have walked, 2 am, alone, on the streets of beijing before, I feel safer in Beijing than I've ever been outside of China, and even many foreigners will confirm this, that China's cities are relatively safe.

also, randomly, regarding xizang (tibet) and xinjiang...they're just 2 of the siblings in the family. siblings have conflicts. as a parent the proper thing to do is to control and resolve conflict, not simply let them take a part of the home and make their own little home.

the end.

p.s. i've just done my commission for the gulf aid auction, it's here:

1) I finally got someone else to watch Kiba. for me that was an achievement because honestly when I was so into it when it was airing I couldn't find another fan of it which real made me lonely as hell seeing how much I love the main character and wants to adopt him as my son...

2)for some reason I've decided to take up Naruto. Things got a lot more interesting after Naruto proposed to Sasuke to die together, and now we get to see chibi itachi XDDDD which is amusing beyond all.

3)Have been in England for a month now, still haven't picked up the british accent it's harder than it seems. There is now a gunman on the lose in England, who shot 3, waged war on the police, and god knows where he is now. Fascinating, it's like back to the jack the ripper ages.

4)It is now up to 40 degrees in beijing, according to my parents even the dog and cat refuse to go outdoors. how they manage I don't know but it's cold enough here in London for me to wear a thin sweater to work today.

5)suspected UFO seen in China...*looks at Alfred suspiciously*

will update some pictures tmr, right now, sleep.
Let me sum up what had happened so far, this is not a bashing post, merely discussion.

shanghai expo-->korean promise to give out 5000 free tickets to super junior / other korean band concerts--> this is just a hoax to get more people to show up so they seem more popular, when they only have about 2000+ tickets for the chinese population--> 5000+ people showed up when there's only 2000+ slots in actual fact--> fans got pissed-->semi-riot, beat the police-->chinese netizens got pissed at these damn stupid kids --> waged the "69 holy war" with the cry "NC don't die, holy war don't end" -->point of 69 holy war is to hack and overflood korean stars related sites

there are 2 sides to this controversy in general.

one side is that the holy war is justified in the name of nationalism and loving the country, the purpose is for the idiot kids to apologize to the police they hurt in their crazy stampeding.

the other side, the war is not holy, it's meaningless, it's language violence, it's breaking the law by hacking, etc.,and definitely not nationalism.

I am not on either side, however if I had to pick, I'd join the so called holy war.

But there are a few things I'd like to say.

First, there's nothing holy about this war. Even before the Chinese netizens resolved to hacking and overflooding, I must quote the precedents, it would seem that hacking each other's sites had become a norm in Asia. Earlier, the Japanese had hacked Korean sites over some reason I had already forgotten. Then, in the last winter Olympics, the Koreans hacked the Japanese 2ch because they were pissed at how unhappy and mean the Japanese are to their Olympic skating champion, whom I do not like but it's not really my issue.

Thus we can come to conclude that, not by law but by society's norms, hacking had become a form of nationalistic vent, where when the collective (or general) consciousness of a nation feels somehow intruded upon, then, with one event as a catalyst, the event turns into a mass hacking of the other's sites. It is not unique to China, it seems to be the socially accepted norm now in Asia. It is at most a vent, by no means holy.

I was in fact speaking against the so called holy war when it first started, for hacking is illegal plus I later found out that most of the "they stole our stuff" lines regarding korea seems to be fictional, though I do wonder why they're having the same issue with Japan. I didn't give a crap about those damn stupid 90s kids with no respect for society, I just didn't think there was a point in mass hacking.

Of course my voice was drowned out in a sea of criticism in the qq group which I was talking to.

Now that after the hype is over, many can speak calmly about it, and a wave of new voices rose, saying how pointless the holy war was, how stupid it was, shameless, just like the behavior of the god damn kids at the shanghai expo.

And I am also the first to say that this is simply NOT true.

everything has a meaning, nothing is ever meaningless. Everything that exists has a rationale, the reason of its existence proves its need to exist. So why did the 69 holy war have a reason for existing?

Like I said before, it is a vent. Itis something that had been collecting for ages, the discontentment with the korea that is so in love with the united states which treats it like air, their indignation at every move (may I point to APH...), etc. There is always clash between neighbors, especially when each has their own brand of superiority syndrome.

So, if the stupid goddam lolis are allowed to vent at the innocent order-keeping police, why are the netizens not allowed to vent in a way used by most other asian nations as a way of mass ranting?

In the midst of every era there exists its specific form of vent. In the 70s it was the anti-American parades, when Japan tried to get in as a permanent member (god forbid, until they apologize publicly for massacre) there was the anti-japan parade, that was the mark of the youth of that era. It was pointless, it was futile animosity towards something they can't control, it was just like the holy war of our time.

the 69 holy war exists, its meaning is that it is one of the icons, a marking of this era, an event justl ike all the previous generations had their own young and brash event in their youth. IT has its meaning in its existence, it marks the 80s/90s (more 80s I'd think) of being young, of being naive and hot blooded, of not having given up on this society to a degree they can sit back coldly and accept the damn idiots andn their actions as "hopeless" and a "result of society" which they cannot change.

It may not seem like the proper way of displaying nationalism, but it is definitely born out of it.

I am by no means promoting it, but it's unlikely to happen in such a scale in recent times again. As much as I wish people didn't go into this so hot-headed, I also wish the society would not be so quick to denounce these acts of young ruthlessness. There will be one day when these people can look back upon this event, fondly, with a sense of a little shame and regret but mostly they'd remember they were a part of a national consciousness that exploded on a mass scale. It's illegal, definitely stupid, but they will look back upon it fondly.

In fact I very much regretted that I was not a part of it, I was too calm, too calculating, I talked to people about how useless this would be, how it was against the law and would achieve no good effect.

I was right, I was alwyas correct, but how I regretted it now...I wish I could have thrown myself into the wave like all the other youth and made my younger days exciting and burning like petro instead of flowing away like water.

I hate being mature and, really, if this happens again, I am so there...=v=

I have nothing against korea in general, just against those idiot kids with no sense of dignity. Because really, if we don't vent, they'd never even realize that there are people in society who loathed their way of acting. Then who's to educate them? all of you who sat back and looked coldly upon both sides? get real. There was this person who acted SO damn humanitarian and said, passionately, don't say "die" to your fellow chinese.

...really, If we sat back and said nothing, most people would assume that all chinese are like that.

we're all chinese, but we're not THEM.

we have a sense of dignity. DON'T put us in the same group. In fact there IS no "US".

Both sides are idiots. But I'd rather be the idiot that DID SOMETHING out of my passion than to be the idiot that sat back with a cold grin and thought himself to be so smart, while making no impact on society at all.
FMA ended.


I am really at a lack of things to say, everything went according to plan, it's just ended.

Almost 100% happy ending.

this ending leaves me quite wordless orz


one less good series to follow, feels so empty XD there are rarely any good series now, with some good insight.

As of now, this is my "follow" list


Bleach - KUBO TITE - I skipped the entire fighting part in the Arancarr world, it's now back to the real world, and with Aizen SO QUEEN-LIKE and so strong and extremely babbly, the series is actually starting to get interesting. I do hope that Byakuya and Kenpachi would get here soon, if they stay in the Arancarr world any longer they'd become Adam and Eve, it does NOT make a pretty picture.

Prince of Tennis (new season) - Konomi Takeshi - it's just darn entertaining, as entertaining as before. Remember, when Tezuka plays, meteors hit the earth and dinosaurs become extinct...face it it's just a very very entertaining slightly screwed-up tennis series. (What, you say it's not tennis series but Sci-Fi?)

Nodame Cantabile (Opera season) - Ninomiya Tomoko - it's kinda getting boring now, not as refreshing as the first season, but I think we're all becoming slightly immune to Nodame. Nevertheless it is still amusing, and it never gets boring with Chiaki around. I've always really liked Chiaki XD

Gintama - Hideaki Sorachi - As usual I have no idea where the story's going, and I don't think the original author does either. Anyway, as long as it still provides amusement I'll read it. Plus in the recent chapters a new pairing (surprising and yet very compatible and story-worthy) emerged, I am now a total fan of Kamui X Takasugi. You have to see it for yourself XD

Rinne - Takahashi Rumiko, enough said. Her newest series, so laid back and entertaining at the same time. Characters are super loveable, story plot is screwed up but in a good sense. Recommended for light reading.

Deadman Wonderland - Kataoka Jinsei + Kazuma Kondou - comes out monthly, great chara design, great (though typical of jump manga but with a dark twist thus it's not on jump) shounen-type story, wonderful world design, I'm never too picky about details, in general it's a very bloody yet exciting story, though the fact that it is monthly makes it a bit hard to keep up the spirits.


Ookiku Furikabutte - SO healing. Never has a sports series been SO amazingly healing and shounen at the same time XD recommended to all girls. A bunch of kids and baseball XD

Durarara - Not hyperactive over this however the story does stay borderline interesting. It'd be easy for me to give this up but since I have time anyway...it's because I prefer something with a more decent grasp on reality.

K-on - More of a habit really, not too into lolis but ...to be honest I don't know why I continue to watch this. Really, it's more of a habit...

Arakawa under the bridge - sometimes the humor's old and stretching it however it has its values. For one thing the character designs (of the guys only...the girls designs are overlapping and thus boring) are amusing.

Keroro - always been on my list simply because it entertains XD

that's about it for now I guess.

Anyway we probably all have forgotten that the main purpose of this entry was to talk about FMA ending, but the ending makes me so wordless...if there was a discussion on this I'd be silent. there's simply nothing to discuss...with a happy ending like this...orz

japanese sugar coated bombs

the new prime minister of japan ticks me off. and i will explain why soon enough.

why am i typing this here instead of my chinese blog? let me share with you a story of a Chinese person and her landlord.

In WWII the Japanese committed extreme atrocities in China that is, though to a lesser scale, no less vicious in nature and cruelty than the German atrocities in Europe. After the war, China even dropped much of the war compensation which enabled Japan to rebuild on a very fast scale.

And yet, to this day, they have yet to offer a public apology. They have yet to publicly accept responsibility for the countless innocents...YES, INNOCENT CIVILIANS, not soldiers, research the rape of nanking please...that they have slaughtered. In recent years there had been trials in Japan for compensation to those who were forced into cruel inhumane labor during WWII by Japanese companies, and look how the Japanese fought tooth and nails to keep every cent they have and refuse to pay compensation.

The Chinese person mentioned above told these things to her Australian landlord.

The landlord lady got angry, and told her, "Don't talk about them like this!"

...like what.


like the still-not-apologized former murderers that they are?!

a survey done in japan reflected that the general attitude was to NOT APOLOGIZE simply because they haven't worked out the exact number of victims.

it's like saying, oh, we only killed 300 thousand (numbers are examples) not 400 thousand so we won't apologize (actual numbers are higher) because couple hundreds of thousands of people's lives taken DO NOT COUNT AS MASSACRE.

awesome. this is the japanese society the world loves so much.

This is why I'm posting this here, where many English speaking members watch this lonely little journal.

Because I feel obligated to, by my ancestry. There is nobody in the world who cares about the past mishaps, does anyone realize what is happening?

There are laws and protocols put into place that germany and japan, the losers of WWII, their military can only remain inside their borders and may not carry any international missions.

This is a remainder and a control set in place because of their atrocious behavior in the past.

And yet, just because nobody wants to pick up the US's shit of a war in Iraq, few years ago, Japan silently broke this rule when they sent troops to Iraq. In reality they can argue that it's only as backup but in actuality it's a stemp to their army once again moving outside of their borders. Many people take it at face value, the world finds peace with this, and yet if you read into it, the hidden meanings are extreme.

The country that only learnt to officially recognize the Rape of Nanking as a massacre last year and is yet to apologize for its slaughter rampage in Asia is now capable of moving its armies outside its borders once again.

Now, we move to the issue related to the title.

There has been, as all of you may have heard, a new prime minister in Japan.

He reassured China that, should he become prime minister, he will NOT visit the controversial war shrine. Instead, he will built a non-religious related state graveyard and pay his homage there.



the real issue at hand is as following:

controversial war shrine--> buries war criminals from WWII--> previous prime ministers pay homage to the war shrine, to show "respect" to the shrine which includes the war crminals-->disrespect to the victims.

and how is building a graveyard any different, Einstein? orz

I can almost understand that if the graves were moved to a normal graveyard, the families of those buried can go visit, but this is the same with the war shrine right now.

The issue at hand is the prime minister paying homage to the graves of the war criminals, whether it be in the war shrine or in a normal shrine ,it makes no difference. those with family can say they go there for personal reasons, I have nothing to say to that though personally I believe the perpetrators deserve no respect or flowers, only spit on their grave.

The problem is, the prime ministers go with an entourage, making it a political visit, which is UNACCEPTABLE in any way. WHY would a prime minister visit (with his political title, not a personal visit to family) the place where war criminals are buried to pay respect?! IT SAYS THAT THE COUNTRY HAD NOT LEARNT THEIR LESSON, STILL RESPECT THEIR ATROCITIES AND PAST WARS, and thus are LIKELY TO DO IT AGAIN BECAUSE (also because they haven't seen the point in apologing for the atrocities yet) THEY DON'T FULLY REALIZE THAT IT IS WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG.

I can only hope that what he means is that they'll build a new graveyard that's all civilians and free of war criminals for him to visit. Otherwise, I hope to see his soul in hell as soon as possible.
it's kinda like the order of the olympics lol, china then UK.

anyway, i will be drawing on tablet for the next 4 months since i'm keeping my frankfurt aparment and will not be bringing my scanner. which really makes me sad since it's become a part of my routine with drawing but guess just more practice on the tablet. and to be honest I suck at drawing purely with just the tablet.

I love drawing with pencil though I'm not that good at it, something about being actually able to feel the media in hand really makes it work. I have a A5 sketchbook filled with (until now) 28 pages of full body aph single character drawings,which putting aside the fact that I'm no longer into APH, is very good practice, and I do intend on filling up the entire book, because there are definitely enough countries in the world, though some I may not know that well. Russia had appeared twice, once as his normal self and once as a plushenko version (ice skating) (I am so so so in love with that Emperor of the Ice nowadays that I just watched Tosca Fantasy MV 3 times today), and France appeared twice, once by himself and once with Napoleon. Every hero has their downfall, and really it's not the downfall that matters, it's the height they've managed to achieve, and just like I look up to Catherine the Great, I look up to Napoleon, for the endless ambition and confidence he seems to have.

Now, a little on the world before I go.

I don't now exactly how free the media is nowadays but when I get to see the emergency evacuation of Time Square on Australian Broadcasting Company and Chinese Sina News Online before I get to see it on CNN (I checked and it's not there yet), there's gotta be something strange going on.

Also, regarding the Chinese vice ambassador getting beaten and arrested by the police in the US...I think it's rather interesting. I am by no means supporting driving without a license plate or not stopping when a cop flashes their siren, but here's the thing, if your cops don't know where an embassy starts that they can "mistakingly" trail a car into the embassy (which is a piece of foreign soil)and arrest the vice ambassador, one must question exactly HOW safe the other ambassadors are in their embassies. Perhaps in the future the USA cops can just ramp over other embassies with the same excuse, "WE DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS THE EMBASSY".

Either the selection criteria for American cops had dropped to a historic low, or maybe those Americans are showing a wide-spread non-respect for China as a whole such that they think they can walk onto China without repurcussions nor restrictions, or maybe they just think they're so empowered they can break all international law set in place to protect ambassadors from local harrassment so they can do their job?

I do not agree with what the vice ambassador did, however, the rules are there for a reason, and if only for a mere driving incident (and trust me there had been worst cases where the cops certainly DID NOT follow nor detain the ambassador) where he was without a license (even locals admit that it's common to have license plates stolen there) and not stopping for a cop siren (which is not uncommon, considering ambassadors know they are not to be detained as STATED BY THE LAW which technically the cops are supposed to enforce) then HOW are the ambassadors supposed to feel safe in a foreign country in their dealings?

Rules are there for a reason, what the vice ambassador did was wrong, though it is by law not up to the local cops to detain them nor unlawfully break into the embassy and then just shrug and go "oh we didn't know THAT was the chinese embassy".

Training our ambassadors is OUR problem, training the cops is the US's problem. Don't try to spread the blame, that poor guy probably drove home with his license stolen and knew that he didn't have to deal with the cops, he didn't speed over limit or hit anything, he just wanted to get back. It is up to his people to reprimand him about his behavior. Now, US, do your part.

Not surprising that CNN didn't have a report about this attack, they were too focused on how much money Shanghai World Expo is making, and how many men in China are attempting to slaughter kindergarten kids. On average I'd say we have a lower rate of psycho killers than most developed nations but this just HAS to be more important than the US assult on foreign soil under the pretext of ignorance which is simply unacceptable.

You all may wonder why I talk so much of politics now, it's actually what I enjoy doing. Before I used to think that all people found this annoying, but recently some had said they actually enjoy listening to what I have to say. I never take the "I'm neutral" side, it's called not having a side and it's impossible. We are always leaning, depending on degree, towards one side of the situation, and since the world media seem to be on one side, I shall take the other.

Ma Ying Jiu, Taiwanese...I won't say president because that's politically incorrect for me, personally. Anyway he leads that place. Yes, just THAT PLACE. No reference to specific labelling. He claims Taiwan will not ask the US to fight with China for them.

Something about this seems strangely remniscent. When was the last time the Us sat out on a conflict and made big bucks selling weapons, only to step in when they got poked in the ass?

OH that's right, WWII. I cannot and will not deny the contribution they made in stopping the war and I'm all for the two atomic bombs and the 3rd one that did not explode, however, what they did was out of complete self interest, it had little or nothing to do with actual heroism, for they were perfectly happy to sit aside and make big bucks off watching poor European powers fight off Hitler and Japan committing genocide in China.

However I don't think a war will come this time, though to be honest I feel very bad for Taiwan. They once bought some missile warning system from the US which basically leaves them 3-4 minutes to prepare once the system reacts and finds out that missles ARE coming, which means basically they spent billions of dollars buying a death announcement. What is keeping China from fighting Taiwan is the deep kinship some Chinese feel towards the Taiwanese that they're family, also the international pressure on China to play peaceful, which I have to say is ridiculous because if you flip through history China had always been the victim to colonialization and imperialism. China will not fight Taiwan as much as it always threatens to, just like some parents will not severe connection with their kids as much as they threaten to. It's just something that will not happen, because really, if China wants reunification which it does, war will not make that happen.

Which means, Taiwan spends billions of dollars every year buying a peace of mind, that's all. They feel safer, that's all the weapons are for. Not that I'm in a position to blame them, but I do feel bad for them.

As the chinese saying goes, He Jiu Bi Fen, Fen Jiu Bi He. (from the beginning of San Guo Yan Yi). Taiwan will come back eventually, just let things run its course.

I have to admit I do harbor ill feeling towards Taiwan in general, though that will not lead to anything. Back in highschool the Taiwan girls looked down upon mainlanders, the Cantonese speaking group looked down upon the mandarin group, I did not have it easy. One of the girls from Taiwan loved to...stab me in the back behind my back. she then lost her friends because they didn't want her anymore, she joined the group I was in and pretended to apologize, it didn't take too long for her pretense to fall off.

Though I was quite fortunate in that during university I met someone who slowly changed my perception of that place. Now I just...see it as any normal place, with good people and...honestly disgraceful people.

I used to be not able to make friends. My parents worked at a hospital where everyone loved me and treated me nicely, I grew up in that environment. When suddenly I moved to a new land where new immigrants were extremely looked down upon and I didn't speak the language (plus my extreme strangeness), I spent 3-4 years without a single friend, while being bullied by many. That was like a fall from heaven to hell, in the most literal sense.

My parents would sometimes tell me that it's because my environment was too limited, that as I grew up I'd meet more people in bigger environments that would understand me better.

Highschool was a blur, upon reflection I had one or two people whom I can call friend but no one that understood me.

University was the best years of my life. By the time I got to uni I was like a sharp rock, I was stubborn and hard and rough, because life had made me that way, extremely defensive, sensitive, and strange.

But I made friends. I found people who...let's just say still don't get me XDDDDD but they were completely fine with that, because they're weirdos too (and I say that very very lovingly, you guys know this). They glided over my hard edges and spikes like water, and discussed with me whatever randomness that came to my fancy (cumin beef? XDDD)

Then I understood what the big environment meant. It means to have a bigger chance of meeting people who's been through it all, who can understand what you're going through, who does not mind the far leaps of your thoughts because they themselves are so free of reign with theirs. Though to be honest when mine jumps different dimensions sometimes it simply just amuses people no ends.

The bigger environment is the world. Not some local community that despises those who are different in groups, not some aristocratic international community that feel the needs to be in cliques and groups and behave to fit in, but the world itself condensed into a group of people who are happy that of all the turmoil they've been through that they've only seen a piece of the world and are willing to see more (even of other worlds lol).

I just took an hour writing this and now it's 4:30 am. I will now go to sleep orz from now on I will take on bits of world news every time I update, and it's going to mainly be events related to China. If you're not interested then feel free to skip it. I simply find politics fascinating if not infuriating at times.

p.s. I watched the first part of 120 days of Sodom today, completely confused me as to what they were actually trying to do, plus it didn't really fit with my perception of beauty nor am I (probably) deep enough to understand the meaning behind the sex and torture. I was kinda fascinated when watching Caligula though, there was one line I remember clearly, "They respect you, father." "No, even better, they fear me."

If respect is the better way to go, I would say that most democracies are in the wrong hands, because really I don't get a sense that they respect their leaders...maybe that's what happens when humans gets given too much choice. Of course, fear should not be the only governing factor either, interesting to see how the society would turn out.

Also interestingly, weeks ago I posted an entry on dev art because of a video leaked from the Afghan war, where the soldiers in a helicoptor were begging for permission to shoot people only under the suspicion of being armed down on the ground. they shot them, then shot those who tried to pick up the wounded, and laughed and degraded the dead (verbally) afterwards.

it drew a person who felt strongly about the war being necessary, she was a victim of her former country and felt that the US experience was liberating and that the war was justified, and fought hard for those soldiers who laughed at killing. Another girl also responded, she's from Afghanistan and felt very strongly about being against the war in Afghanistan.

The Americans would usually point their finger and say, "well they bombed our building they started it", but if the finger pointing really started, then should we not point to the first gulf war...? Personally I'd never forget the alliance of 8 invasion that took all the riches, burnt all the beauties, and robbed all the dignities of the Chinese. But it seems that some histories are just so easy to forget especially when you're the perpetrator.

But let the finger pointing stop for a second, how many victims must there be, how many fine youth must be desensitized to violence in such a way, before peace was reached? and if the youth are so desensitized to violence, will peace EVER be reached?

Perfect example of a vicious cycle I'd say.


so, an old friend who's promised to write porn if I get married had reminded me that I should really update u guys on what my life is like.

cannede if u c tat certain someone make sure 2 remind her. also i told her if i marry u then she'll have 2 write 3p.

anyway here is a timeline of my life: (starting from after uni of course)

china for vacation --> germany for work --> visa problem, stops work --> getting transferred to london office --> sudden decision to go back to china --> once again, time too short creates visa problem --> go to consulate and beg like a little girl (what with all the 'please just let it go this once I can't go back to canada by myself I'm all alone and I don't know what to do') --> luckily the lady there was very nice and talked 2 the ppl in charge for me --> i get to go back 2 china --> still have to apply for work permit in the UK --> go to London --> work for 3 months --> come back to Frankfurt to finish the remainder of my internship.

Just a little...discourse u might call it...on habits of the people of different lands.

people have always said the germans are a very strict bunch, and to tat i agree, in fact so strict which is why i have to go to london, they're refusing my visa because I had a misunderstanding with the company on who's working on the work visa. however it also comes through in a good light, today I was at the book store at hauptbahnhof getting a pen (bc I'm stupid and forgot 2 bring my own and didn't want 2 wait in line 2 use the public one at the Chinese Consulate in Frankfurt) so I said, to the cashier, because the pens were behind her, give me any black or blue pen. she got one, i said that was ok, she then said 'wait', and tested the pen on a sheet of paper.

I've been to Canada and the US and China and Japan, this is the first time I've seen anyone do this.

It's a very small deal but I'm very very touched, good traditions and habits are hard to find nowadays.

I remember speaking 2 the lawyer who had 2 give me the bad news tat i had to leave, he like many others said he was sorry, but he ended our convo with 'but hopefully this does not leave u with a bad impression of Germany because it really is a good place.'

I think many chinese has the mentality that beating and scolding ur kids is good for them. In fact when I was small many kids grew up tat way, my parents used to slap me when I was in elementary school and did something wrong. I just assumed it was normal, because actually most parents did that.

but that does not mean I think that was the best way of educating a child.

See it this way. there was a reason why i brought up this weird little piece of life.

Many Chinese has the mentality that if they just exposed all of China's problems and spent their entire day scolding and degrading the Chinese, that they're somehow going to turn the country into a better place.

Well, big news, like the education of a child, the upbringing of a country doesn't work that way.

Of course a certain level of acknowledgement of the problems is necessary for a country to grow, but with their method, they think they're the lone voice of truth, the critic, the critical eye that sees the society's problems and 'dares' to voice it, which I hate to say just isn't true. most people in china accurately perceive the problem, some just don't go writing books on how ugly the chinese are, instead, they just work hard at giving others a better impression of china, whilc trying to make things better internally.

I really wish more people in china were like this lawyer in terms of how tod eal with the country. acknowledge its problems, but explain to the outsiders that it's actually a beautiful place, and hope that they see the good side as well.

Nothing good ever comes out of pure criticism and I swear sometimes those chinese people gets high on how lucrid they think they perceive the society. they make me sick.

I won't get a bad impression of Germany even though I had to go through this. I will never forget the cashier that checked the pen before she took my money, or the fact that people are allowed to put groceries into personal bags in the supermarket, or at the soup wagon how we are expected to take the right amount of change ourselves instead of being under supervision.

it's a rather fresh experience for me, such a level of maturity in the society.

However it does have its problems.

The chinese saying goes, tong qing da li, which means u take into account the law and rules as well as people's predicaments. Germany wasn't able to do this well. Today at the Chinese Consulate, technically I was not to be granted the visa, but I explained, I have nowhere to live if I go back 2 canada, I am alone here and my parents are both in china...the lady understood, took the rules as well as understood my situation, went to talk to her superiors, and got me a one-entry into china with conditions.

I knew that if this was a german person taking this issue I'd most likely be rejected. I'm not complaining about people following the law, but I prefer it this way where both law and the situation comes into play.

This is why I love China and its people, thousands of years of teaching had made them very understanding despite a society that demand tighter rules. I got lost toda on the way to the consulate, but when I was pointed in the right direction, when I finally saw the red flag in the distance, there is no exaggerated way in describing how relieved I felt.

Even though by passport I'm not Chinese anymore, I know at heart I'm always chinese and am proud to be.

I love Canada, but for me personally it's hard to put Canada first but it will always be second, and coming from me that means a lot. Part of why I love Canada was because culturally and psychologically I was still allowed 2 be 'Chinese' while being Canadian, unlike in the states where people had to melt into the US culture.

that is enough rant for today, I slept 3 hours last night worrying about the visa, I shall now go home, catch some sleep, and then go 2 the airport to pick up a computer which I will use for 3 days then bring back 2 china with me...orz

and china really is a beautiful place, u guys should all go if u get a chance in the future. Beijing always welcomes u, and if u happen 2 be there when I'm there, u can always come 2 my place and play with the 3 dogs and 2 cats XD

lost in translation

landed in germany-->was told i need residence permit-->went with a family friend to a place (which i later found out was a registration place)--> got a form-->asked the friend who told me that THAT stamped form was the residence permit (which it is not)-->thought i had residence permit-->overstayed my allowed 90 days by 54 days before i found out--> now i can't work and am in deep trouble and is working with a lawyer to solve this damn issue--> may be deported? O_O

...life =_=

also, bought darker than black manga in german to practice my german. but it really annoys me...why does hei gets paired up with lolis every time?! this time it's not Suo, not Yin, its some other blond loli...does his loli fate never end? =v=

me and A were having coffee today since this whole deportation deal is kinda troubling our lives. i planned a trip to france this weekend with hotel and train tickets booked (both non-refundable) and now lost over 400+ Euros because apparently when i applied for the permit (given 54 days late, i did it as soon as i found out what i had WASN'T the permit...) now i have a ban and can't work and can't leave the country (technically i CAN leave, i just can't come back in...which would be a problem =v=) We were talking about this...issue. He and the wonderful J at the office both surprised me by apologizing for german bureaucracy.

For some reason I always tend to reflect on what people says. So I told A, as annoying as this is because it's seriously NOT my fault, I do admire the germans for their strict approach to work. In china life was easier because you can get around rules by just knowing the right people, but the system's kind of messy right now.

that's what you have, two systems with their goods and bads.

In china you can plead easily, people give in to compassion (and sometimes cash...orz) but here in germany none of that works. people seem cold towards others misfortunes when it comes to their job, which is inconvenient however it makes them very responsible law-enforcers.

I'm not in too much of a position to praise them right now since they are discussing whether to kick me out of the country or not, but putting all this aside i must say the people who enforce the rules are the ones who makes the society work. otherwise, why set rules?

but I do prefer china's way. Given corruption is a problem to be monitored, a lot of people has friends or relatives who work in one industry or another, it makes their life a lot easier. besides not all people take shortcuts.

and it seems i've always had problems dealing with visas and such orz

anyway just to update a picture that i drew. I am now at home, unable to go to work, can't go to paris for the weekend, and must wait for the immigrations' office's decision.

so i draw, and learn german by reading darker than black manga.

also I rewatched the MV for Edvin Marton's Tosca Fantasy, in which Plushenko was a large part of the performance. and drew the following.

TVT plushenko's the last bit of virtue in the figure skating world. without his insistence on the quad the sport would only shrink in its technical value.

don't worry plushenko, lots of people in the world are with u TVT

actually i can use a bit of support myself right now orz

but it should be fine.

Quoting Rie Fu's

We're all rowing the boat of fate
the waves keep on comin' and we can't escape
but if we ever get lost on our way
the waves would guide you through another day

Other than this I'm still stuck on Kaito's Tsukiyukihana >v< one of the best kaito songs ever TVT


heh heh this should do

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